Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
