Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
