the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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