needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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