i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
