It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
