mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
