I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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