I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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