The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Someone signed my nipple.
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