Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
