She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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