and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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