Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just high enough for therapy.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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