"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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