4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
