Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
