really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
