I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
