Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize