Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
