I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
