you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize