I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I use my feet as sexual weapons
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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