i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
