apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
