WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
