Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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