im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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