Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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