when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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