Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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