According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I need a burrito and a hug.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
did i just pee glitter
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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