Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
