I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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