I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
