You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
