apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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