And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
