the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
