I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
