i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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