as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
