I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wish my penis had a tongue
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
