My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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