think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
