everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
