I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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