Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
