I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
