I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
