So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It was confusing and full of hummus
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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