matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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