Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
