I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
