My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
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He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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