Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
