Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
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Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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