If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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