you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
