His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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