Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
