I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
