did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
