i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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