Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
