I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
